I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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