Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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