A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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