I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
