did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
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