I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
