please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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