you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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