Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
