either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize