We won't sleep together?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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