fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
