I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
