when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
