I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
