Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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