Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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