Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
