You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize