Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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