Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
