it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize