dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
