I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
