I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
this is an emotional support booty call
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
