I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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