Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
