living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
