forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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