My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
what is it with giant penises always finding me
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
