no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
