how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
