apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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