hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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