So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
