I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
