mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
