He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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