he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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