hell yes lets make some ravioli
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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