just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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