Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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