I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
