id be glad to
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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