no one should ever give us hovercrafts
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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