He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
