You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
