If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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