Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
