You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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