Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
