I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize