not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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