She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
