I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
