god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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