a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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