no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
