"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
