Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
