i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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