I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
