You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
