I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
