you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
