I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
