I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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