i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
false alarm. still invincible.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
