just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
