Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
