I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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