So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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