His pubic hair was longer than his dick
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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