Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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