I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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