why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
