When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
