The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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