You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
