Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
