There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
