I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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