He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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