the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
