I'm so fucking centered right now
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize