Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
