i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
