But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
