I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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