and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
